How Bitterness Affects the Christian Life

Bitterness is one of the easiest sins to overlook because it often begins with something or someone genuinely hurting us. Someone spreads gossip about us. Someone betrays our trust. Someone says something rude and unnecessary. Someone treats us unfairly. The hurt is real, and it's tempting to hold on to that feeling... but when hurt is allowed to remain in our hearts, it slowly turns into bitterness.

The Bible gives us a serious warning about bitterness. We tend to think that we can hide our bitterness, but ultimately, it spreads to other areas of our life. It affects our relationship with God, our relationships with others, and even our testimony.

Bitterness Begins With Unresolved Hurt

Being hurt is not sinful. Even Jesus experienced plenty of rejection and mistreatment. He was even betrayed by someone who was closest to him. The problem isn't when we are hurt, it is how we respond to that hurt. When we refuse to give the offense to God, we can begin replaying it in our minds. We think about what happened, what should have happened, and what we wish we could say or do. Over time, this anger can become resentment, and resentment can become bitterness.

Hebrews 12:15 - “Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled.”

Notice the language that God uses: “root of bitterness.”

A root is usually hidden beneath the surface. You may not immediately see it, but it is growing. Eventually, what is happening beneath the surface produces something visible.

Bitterness works the same way. It can be hidden for awhile, but eventually, it will grow and make it's presence known.

Bitterness Damages Our Relationship With Others

One of the greatest dangers of bitterness is that it doesn't only the person who caused the offense. Remember, while talking about the affects of bitterness, Hebrews 12:15 says, "and thereby many be defiled." A bitter person may begin talking about the offense to everyone around them. Oftentimes, someone who is hurt will begin to criticize the person who hurt them and attempt to turn others against them. Before long, one person's offense can become a source of division among many people.

Proverbs 18:19 - “A brother offended is harder to be won than a strong city: and their contentions are like the bars of a castle.”

Unresolved offenses can build walls between people. This is why Christians must be careful about allowing bitterness to control their conversations. There is a difference between seeking wise counsel about a situation and feeding resentment by talking about it to others.

Bitterness Can Affect Our Walk With God

Bitterness isn't merely a relationship problem. It is a spiritual problem. God commands us to let go of our bitterness and forgive others.

Ephesians 4:31-32 - “Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.”

Notice that bitterness is mentioned with wrath, anger, evil speaking, and malice.

The solution isn't simply to become better at hiding our anger or bitterness. Scripture teaches that we should put them away.

Why should we forgive?

Because God has forgiven us. We were not saved because we deserved forgiveness. We were saved because of God's grace (unmerited favor) through Jesus Christ. When we understand how much God has forgiven us, it should change how we respond when someone wrongs us. We don't deserve forgiveness, yet God forgives us. Whoever hurt you doesn't deserve your forgiveness, yet you should forgive them.

Bitterness Can Steal Our Joy

A bitter person is often consumed by an offense that happened weeks, months, or even years ago. The person who caused the offense may have moved on. They may not even realize how much the situation continues to affect you... yet, you keep carrying it. Forgiveness does not change the past. It changes how we allow the past to affect us.

Philippians 3:13 - “Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before.”

We cannot change what happened yesterday, but we can choose what we will do today. A Christian who continually lives in yesterday's offenses will struggle to enjoy what God is doing in their life today.

Bitterness Can Lead to Revenge

When someone hurts us, our natural response can be to want them to suffer as much as we have suffered. We love the idea of getting even. But Scripture tells us to leave vengeance in God's hands.

Romans 12:19 - “Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.”

This does not mean that being hurt doesn't matter. It means that we don't have to become the judge and executioner of everyone who wrongs us.

God sees what happened, he knows the truth, and he is perfectly capable of dealing with people according to His righteousness. When we surrender our desire for personal revenge to God, we are trusting Him instead of trying to take His place.

Fair warning... we often want God to deal with people in a harsh way to help us "get even." But when God deals with someone, he will always does so through the lens of his mercy. At times, you are the guilty party. You are the one who has wronged someone else. When God deals with you, he applies that same mercy.

Bitterness Can Destroy Our Christian Testimony

Christians are called to live differently from the world. This goes against our very nature. It takes effort and can be challenging to do.

Matthew 5:44 - “But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you.”

This requires intentionality. Anyone can hold a grudge. Anyone can seek revenge. Anyone can return an insult for an insult. But when a Christian responds to mistreatment with forgiveness, kindness, and prayer, it allows others to see Christ in us. It's one thing to claim to be a Christian. It's another to show it to others.

How Should We Deal With Bitterness?

The answer is not to pretend that the offense never happened. Instead, we should bring the hurt honestly before God and choose to obey His Word. Pray for the person who hurt you. Refuse to seek revenge. Stop feeding the offense by telling others and replaying it in your mind. Remember how much God has forgiven you.

When necessary, establish appropriate boundaries. Forgiveness does not mean that you must place yourself back into an unsafe or unhealthy situation. God gives us wisdom and discernment to make better decisions in the future.

Ephesians 4:32 - “And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.”

The goal is not simply to stop being angry or bitter. The goal is to become more like Christ. Jesus had every reason in the world to be bitter toward mankind... yet, he loves and forgives us. If He can do it for us, we can do it for others.